i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
