I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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