And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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