I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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