We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
