Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So many bounce houses so little time
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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