Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
