fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Randomize
