Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
