Sry I called you an 8
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
