i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
