i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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