obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
