Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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