end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
