I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize