I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
