We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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