Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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