Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
