I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
