I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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