Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
