yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
