TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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