well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
