I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
