He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize