sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
