i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
