Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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