I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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