so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
