I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
