Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
