I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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