Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
