hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
