well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize