capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
