I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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