True but thats because hes a fetus.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize