I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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