ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
