You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have fence marks all over my body
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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