I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it glows. i had to have it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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