You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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