I'm so fucking centered right now
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Randomize
