i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
