Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
