Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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