Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize