it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
