so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
