Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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