you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
