I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
