ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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