I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This is the high leading the old right now
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
