Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
