I smell stomach acid.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
