I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
