Even water is tasting like jack daniels
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
