I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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