I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
