So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
