She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I had to cum in my sink.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize