he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
