At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
