you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
