You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
