didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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