moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
