I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
