wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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